Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
