Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
