The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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