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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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