you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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