And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
