i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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