i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
