i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
