he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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