Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dick very happy bro
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
