there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
