My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
