Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
