Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM VODKA MAN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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