I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
