i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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