just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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