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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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