glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
