I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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