Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
