You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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