At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I stole a fireplace last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
