so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
