If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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