Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
