Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
