the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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