If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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