Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
