Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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