New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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