we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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