Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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