spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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