Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
