white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
