If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize