My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
