i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
