i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
