Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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