I got chris browned last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
