oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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