dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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