these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
