i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
