I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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