part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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