i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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