we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
