I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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