Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
