What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
