theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
