I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
