I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
