Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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