My hand turned me down
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
