Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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