scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Panties = found
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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