Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there's paper in my vomit.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
