By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
