im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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