: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
