whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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