whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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