Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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