Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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