i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
