My nipple is on Facebook.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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