he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
