and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
