The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
