then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
