is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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