she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
