Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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