I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
