You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
