oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
