the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
